Welcome to the JOURNEYMEN Dynasty League!
Congrats to our winner, Elise Rosengrant aka Revis&Buttheads. She consistently dominated all year long, employing a strategic combination of feminine voodoo and the Chicago Bears defense. We all currently hate her.
For a little background on what we think is the most ground-breaking, pervasive innovation in the world of Fantasy Football, click HERE.
For links to past week's match-up recaps see below...
- 2012 Wrap-up/2013 Look Ahead
- Playoff Precursor
- Week 11 Recap
- Week 10 Recap
- Week 9 Recap
- Week 8 Recap
- Midseason Power Rankings
- Week 5 Recap
- Week 4 Recap
- Week 3 Recap
- Week 2 Recap
- Week 1 Recap
- Preseason Power Rankings
1. Gem City Juicers (Drew) - First pick in the draft, first in our hearts, and first in the “Most-likely -to-forget-which-day-the-draft-is” sweepstakes. In fact, my older brother actually already claimed that prize, having rushed home from work a week before the draft day only to find out he was mistaken, prompting him to leave me a frustrated/confused voicemail. Drew’s passions include online poker, sleeping during the day, and eating mayonnaise. Allegiance: Bengals
Allegiance: Texans
4. Coples Therapy (Jake) - As co-commissioner of the JOURNEYMEN League, Jake has several responsibilities: a) agree with me on everything, b) send threatening emails to anyone who doesn’t comply with the League Bylaws, and most importantly c) make sure his brother pays his league dues. I trust him to do this because he was the best man in my wedding, and has gotten me out of countless jams throughout our storied history. In his spare time, Jake coaches a mens softball team, does yard work, and sports a faux-hawk that is 80% faux. Allegiance: Jets
5. Revis&Buttheads (Elise) - Like every God-fearing woman should, Elise has allowed her husband (Jake) to stand first in line and claim the juiciest, most tender of morsels, content to stand to the side and make do with the scraps. At least that’s how Jake described it when he told me she was directly after him in the draft order. What an asshole that guy is. Elise’s top hobbies include: making/eating taco dip, falling asleep at nine, and shake-weighting.
Allegiance: Jets/Saints
6. Urban Achievers (Glen) - Older brother of the co-commish, Glen is a father of two and was recently hired by Facebook to make sure everyone knows Ron Paul exists. Either that or hired by Ron Paul to make sure everyone knows Facebook exists. One of the two. When he’s not disseminating political cartoons and/or spending all day talking about how hard Obama has made it for hard-working people to find jobs, Glen likes to...alright that’s basically all Glen likes to do. Allegiance: Jets
7. You Already Know (Jen) - As wife of the Journey Man himself, Jen (the Journey Woman?) is lucky enough to live in a household completely dominated by sports. Floor mats, flags, coasters, etc. It’s all there. In our four years together, she’s been the gracious one, accepting and assuming (to a degree) my obsession with the Reds, Bengals, and especially those Silver Bullets from the O-H-I-O. But when she’s not putting up with all that BS, Jen loves to bake cookies, watch shows meant for pre-teens (Teen Wolf?), and pretend she knows where her phone is.
Allegiance: Bengals
8. Wrinkled Brown Stars (Spaz) - I met Spaz few years ago when he showed up as an extra at one of my softball games. Spaz put on quite an exhibition that day, diving for fly balls, gutting out infield dribblers, and kissing every baby in sight. Since then, he’s barely missed a game, and has won several single-season awards for “Most Knee Braces”. Winner of the first annual NFL Postseason Fantasy League last January, Spaz rides a tidal wave of confidence into the first season of the JDL. His hobbies include sampling fresh oranges and kissing puppies on the mouth.
Allegiance: Eagles
9. NoVA Bath Salts (Don) - I met Don last November, when myself and the J-Woman were honeymooning in Mexico. I knew immediately that he was my kind of guy, mainly because he was sitting shitcanned with his wife at el empty-ass discoteca, looking for someone to talk fantasy sports with. Over the next nine minutes, Don would go on to tell me that he was getting old (almost 30), that he had sampled every single drink the resort had to offer (he had only had four electric lemonades), and that there was no possible way he was the one who poured all that Cuervo into my beer when I wasn’t looking. I know a straight-shooter when I see one, so we quickly became friends. This WVU grad’s hobbies include running a mixology school out of his kitchen and sending affectionate tweets to Bryce Harper. Allegiance: Redskins
10. THE MACHINE (Tim) - When entering into different forms of competition, I try to find every way to size up my opponents. When I found out my buddy, Tim, from Philly would be joining the League of Champions, I immediately challenged him to a game of Words With Friends, to test his analytical and intestinal fortitude. That game recently ended with me beating him by like 300 points, and I’m pretty sure his best word was “have”. Therefore, if his team is indeed a machine, I picture it being about as effective as this one. In his spare time, Tim enjoys drinking heavy amounts of light beer, wearing Lilly Pulitzer, and darkening the tint on his car windows. Allegiance: Eagles
11. Cromartie’s Kids (Howard) - Howard is a childhood friend of Jake’s, who over the years I’ve had the pleasure of spending some time with and getting to know on an intimate level. And, by intimate, I mean pretty much every time we hang out I end up getting annihilated on some type of expired Mexican lager. Similar to Chunt’s whining, Howard and his law degree have already carved out a role for themselves in the league, which is “guy-who-constantly- questions-the-rules”. News-flash Howie: your Jedi mind tricks won’t work in this cantina. Due to a recent major back surgery, Howard’s activities have been reduced to riding elevators, accepting help to cross the street, and wearing orthopedic shoes. And yes, Howard is in fact too cool to have a real Facebook page, which means his default shall be Rod Farva. Allegiance: Jets
See ya' next year.
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